How I Made it in Hollywood

Here’s a fun little write up I did for The Hollywood Reporter back when Cuervos came out…. (10 years ago! Yikes.) They didn’t run it; it was too “negative.” Haha. But aren’t those the good stories?

A better title would be “How I Didn’t Make it in Hollywood…” Mind you, I’ve worked pretty steadily, but the big break never quite seemed to come my way. Instead it’s been a series of close calls and near misses.

My 3 worst stories…

Story 1:

Developed an animated show for MTV based on a series of successful films. The pilot was their highest-testing animated pilot since BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD. We produced 8 episodes that they ultimately burned off because they were furious that the big star behind the movie franchise (and exec producer of our series) refused to publicize the show — even after they pushed the premier date to accommodate him.

Story 2:

“Swingers,” a pilot I wrote for Comedy Central. They loved the script but were worried it was “too smart” for the network. Their words, not mine. And mind you, Jon Stewart was a network staple at this point. They decided to give us money to cast the show and have a table read, at which point they would decide whether or not to proceed. Seemed like a pretty good deal to me, but our non-writing executive producer was livid. “This is an insult. You wrote a masterpiece.” His words, not mine. He demanded Comedy Central give us the script back. I have no idea why they agreed, but they gave it back to us. We proceeded to take the script all around town: HBO, Showtime, etc. They all passed. I was young and stupid, but I have no idea why my agents at the time didn’t tell the producer that any time they give you money, it’s a good thing.

Story 3:

Wrote a pilot for one of the broadcast networks called NEIGHBORS, that explored the conflict that ensues when a George Jefferson-type moves in next door to a Cliff Huxtable-type. (Hold the rape jokes.) Everyone loved the script. My agents said this is it, they’re totally going to pick it up. It was sent up to the big guy — I won’t say which one — and we arrogantly waited for… the call. It never came. Instead, the network shot a pilot with the exact same premise and title — only this one featured a Red States guy at war with his Blue States neighbor. To this day, I don’t know if they bought our pitch because they already had a similar project and wanted to take us off the market; or if after we pitched our show, they decided to develop a similar “safer” project; OR if it was just an awful coincidence. Either way, the script they picked up was barely coherent.

Yes, most people consider their first job to be their big break, but I consider CLUB DE CUERVOS my belated big break… the chance to finally run a show. All my previous experiences, good, bad and indifferent, prepared me for this job.

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  1. I dig it bro. Achieving any goal in life is a symphony of relationships, circumstances, and effort. Maybe enjoy your current endeavors and run “Swingers” by some folks again? Cheers Jay!

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